Every once in a while I’ll stop and read something I wrote a while ago. It sounds extremely self serving and vein I know. But in reality it’s something much simpler for me. I do it because it gets my creative juices flowing, it helps me establish a sense of continuity when I sit down to write a new post, especially when it is one of those more heartfelt pieces which are always so much harder to put into words.
Anyway, every time I do so I can’t help but to notice that time and place have so much to do with how each single entry comes out. The way I felt about something three years ago isn’t necessarily how I feel about it now. In some cases, though, it is. It all depends on my current state of mind. Again, time and place. What’s funny, however, is that even though I can read and recognize the differences in then and now – sometimes I can’t help but to laugh at some of the crazy things I’ve put into words – there never has been any inclination in me to change even a single word. In a way, all these words, past and present, feel sort of like a part of me. Like a very public library of my emotions, thoughts and memories in time, none of which I feel I have any reason to be ashamed about.
It’s almost the same as I’ve come to feel about certain parts of my personal story. They’re definitely not perfect. Far from it in so many ways, actually. They are ugly and complicated and things that I probably would rather forget. But in a strange way, they are uniquely mine and in the great sum of it all they are as much a part of me as every single one of my written words. I think that’s the thing about hindsight. It allows us to take a step back and see things in a whole new light that we might not otherwise be able to see.
Who knows, tomorrow I’ll probably wake up and think this is the stupidest post I’ve ever written. It very well just might be!
Yet, then again, who says one isn’t entitled to a little stupidity, naivety, ignorance, or just plain care-freeness every once in a while.
I’m embracing all of it, in every single moment and place I’ve written about so far. Espero that you can do the same también.
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